I have less than optimal luck with things mechanical. Not exactly bad luck. Just dumb. And I know I’m not alone. Shit happens.
I bought a Mercedes. Not a real one, but a Faux Mercedes. It was a replica of a 1928 Mercedes Gazelle. Fiberglass on a VW frame and 4-cylinder engine.
Looked cool. Safest car in the World. After all, how much damage can you do from behind a tow truck?
My friend suggested that we take the car down to the hotspots at the local beach. We weren’t the only ones with that idea. There were dozens, if not hundreds, of bikers cruising along the main street and the beach road. We stopped to get a bite to eat and some drinks at a restaurant down there. We left there, and I started the car up, but I couldn’t hear it turn over. That’s because of all the noise from the motorcycles going past.
No luck, so we went back in to have another brew, since I was convinced that I’d flooded the engine. After a few minutes, we tried again.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Flooded. Again.
The transmission was a standard, so we got the idea of pushing the car, and popping the clutch. We tried this for a solid hour. By now it was pitch dark, and my friend was getting tired from pushing the car. Then, a teenager on a bicycle rode up to us.
Kid: “You guys having car problems?”
Me: “Um, yep.”
I had to restrain my self from answering: “No, I thought I’d get better fuel economy if my friend pushed the car, and I yelled ‘Vroom! Vroom.’”
Kid: “You think it’s the engine?”
Me: “I don’t think we can rule that out.”
Kid: “Stay here. I’ll go get my Dad’s can of ether. I’ll spray it in the carburetor.”
We “stayed there”, and he returned after a few minutes. He helped me take the engine compartment off and opened the carburetor.
“OK, when I count to three, I want you to turn it over.”
In the rearview mirror, I saw a fireball the size of a Clydesdale billow up into the night sky. I guess I really, REALLY flooded it, huh? That’ll probably show up in a satellite photo.
“Look, Ma! I’m on Google Earth!”
“Hey kid, thanks a lot! Could you put the engine cover back on for us? I can’t get out; I don’t dare let the engine stall. Thanks!”
“Oh, and sorry about your eyebrows…”